The Procrastinator
The Procrastinator is a member of the League of Underwhelming Heroes known for their unique ability to stop time, but only for tasks they're actively avoiding. This paradoxical power has made them simultaneously one of the most potentially powerful and least productive heroes in the organization's history.
Powers and Abilities
The Procrastinator's primary power is Temporal Avoidance, which allows them to freeze time indefinitely while procrastinating on important tasks. However, this ability comes with significant limitations:
- Time can only be stopped when actively avoiding responsibilities
- The power deactivates immediately upon attempting to complete the avoided task
- The hero remains fully aware during frozen time but experiences Productivity Paralysis
- Can create Procrastination Bubbles that extend the time-stopping effect to others nearby
Notable Non-Achievements
Despite having the power to manipulate time itself, The Procrastinator's most recognized accomplishments include:
- Successfully delayed filing their superhero registration paperwork for three years
- Created a revolutionary system for organizing their to-do list that they haven't implemented yet
- Holds the record for longest time spent deciding what to order at the League of Underwhelming Heroes cafeteria
- Pioneered the "I'll do it later" approach to crime-fighting
Personal Life
The Procrastinator maintains a secret identity as a freelance deadline extension specialist. They live in a partially unpacked apartment in New Mundania City, having moved in four years ago. Their arch-nemesis is The Scheduler, a villain whose power to create rigid timetables causes The Procrastinator severe anxiety.
Equipment
The hero's costume includes:
- A cape they've been meaning to hem since 2019
- An unfinished utility belt
- A smartphone with 47,283 unread emails
- A collection of half-completed project notebooks
Partnerships
The Procrastinator occasionally teams up with other heroes, including:
- The Human Snooze Button for maximum deadline extension
- Captain Placeholder who helps create temporary solutions for unfinished tasks
- Mr. Mundane who makes waiting around seem like a productive activity
Training
The Procrastinator serves as an instructor at the League of Underwhelming Heroes academy, teaching courses such as "Advanced Excuse Generation" and "Creative Task Avoidance." However, most classes are perpetually rescheduled.
See Also
References
- "The Science of Superhuman Stalling"
- "Tomorrow's Heroes Today (Or Maybe Later)"
- "Time Manipulation and Task Avoidance: A Case Study"